Ignorance

Well, I didn't really want to dignify what happened last night with a response, but I know some of you will wonder what has happened to my blog...

Last night someone posted a really ridiculous, profanity-filled comment on my blog. I knew that none of you would want to be exposed to that kind of filth (neither did I, but I didn't have much of a choice) so I have taken down the ability to post comments, and also all the links to everything that is near and dear to me. You never know what someone who portrays that kind of ignorance is capable of.

You all know my e-mail, so you can contact me that way, but you will not be able to post comments for awhile. It's just sad that we have such ignorance running rampant in the world!

Cheerio!!

Fall

Hey, I think fall is finally here!! Yay!!!

Oh, and I got my Russia pictures back today! That is way exciting! I will try to post some soon!!

Have a quality day and night, etc., till next time. ;)

Untitled

Life is so interesting. It's impossible to expect anything, because life is so full of the unexpected.

Those of you that know me well know that I am not given to emotional outbursts. I am an extremely emotional person, but not so that anyone would notice...in other words, I usually appear to be on an emotionally even keel. And, usually, that assumption would be accurate because my emotions do not control me. To state the fact succinctly (maybe it's too late for that!): I am an emotionally stable person.

The other thing you should know about me is that while things like the weather do not usually affect me emotionally, change does. I do not like change. I like routine and familiarity. I have a hard time dealing with the changes that occur as a normal rite in the passage of time.

One of these changes that is hard for me is when friendships change. I find myself completely emotionally traumatized when a relationship is broken, but even the "ebbs and flows" in a friendship affect me greatly. I suppose we would all prefer, to a certain extent, to stay close to the people we care about. I am not suggesting that I am alone in this, or that my feelings are unique to me. Whatever the case, my emotions are dealt a hard blow when I am forced to realize that something within a friendship has changed.

Okay, enough generalizing. Last night, for the first time in a long time, I was able to take some time for focusing inwardly and taking stock of my life, and I was confronted with the reality that life is full of changes! When I compare my life right now with this time last year, I am amazed at the changes in relationships that have taken place. People I thought I would never be close to are now some of my closest friends. Others that I was close to are now a distant memory of closeness and sharing. The latter are the changes that make me sad. In fact, last night, I became quite melancholy (what a great word!) thinking about this. It's truly depressing to think about some of the people whose friendship I valued, but who did not care enough to try to keep in touch and stay close. I will admit that I went to bed without resolving anything, although I did refuse to allow myself a pity party!

This morning I woke up determined to commit those things to God and let Him control the direction of my life and my relationships. And I did that. And I received several assurances that His promises are true.

Around 7-7:15 this morning, the light was very weird in the KC metro area, for lack of better terminology. I guess it was the early morning sunlight shining through all the humidity, but the light was kind of yellowish-orange. Very weird. Anyway, just as I was getting ready to drive my bus, I saw the most amazing thing. A rainbow. A full rainbow making its perfect arch right over the school. It reassured me that God knows what He's doing, He's got His eye on me and His hand over my life.

Before I got off bus run, one of my friends who I am trying to keep in contact with called and left a message, asking me to get together with her next week. A reminder of God's love shining through my friend.

A text message from my cousin came mid-morning, telling me it's National I LOVE YOU Day and that he loves me. When I sent the message on to several people, one of my friends that I hadn't heard from in a long time responded, telling me he loved me and would call me later.

A friend that I hadn't seen in about a week came in to see me during class today, just to check up on me and say hi.

All of these things may seem small to you, but they were all evidences to me of God's hand on my life. I hope that He keeps opening my eyes to the fact that He brings blessings into my life every day, and I pray that I have the good sense to recognize His amazing presence!

Rain...

It's raining today. I'm not complaining, because it is a relief from the heat. And it keeps reminding me to pray for those people down in Texas who are trying to get away from the hurricane. There are lots of people I know down there -- I hope they are all (the ones I know and the ones I don't) okay and able to get to safety.

Rain is a funny thing. Not funny ha-ha, you understand. Just funny. Maybe it's not funny so much as unusual in that there are so many different perspectives on rain.

I grew up in Arizona near the desert. Rain there is rare and welcome. It is dry, dry, dry there most of the time. Rain is associated with blessing and abundance. If it gets too dry, people and animals suffer, and things catch on fire. Like the song "Showers of Blessing" the people there often associate rain with outpourings of God's mercy, grace, love...etc.

In the moisure-drenched Midwest, however, things are much different. Of course, sometimes there are "draughts" when it doesn't rain for, like, a week. And people panic and talk about how "dry" it is. Well, until the trees shrivel up and the ground starts to crack, and the rivers and streams become dry-bedded "washes," it's not dry. I think of the song "It Won't Rain Always" and figure it wasn't written by someone in the Southwest. The connotation of rain in that song is negative. It portrays rain as depressing and something to be dreaded by saying, "It won't rain always...the sun will shine again."

I don't think either viewpoint is necessarily "right" or "wrong." I just think it emphasizes the uniqueness and diversity of America. I find it very intriguing.

Interesting? I think so.

See You...

...At The Pole (www.syatp.com) was this morning. We (OCH people) gathered at our flag pole for prayer at 9:00 AM. I know, not as early as most of the public schools, but because of the fact that we have late arrival on Wednesdays...it had to be late. Anyway, we had some unexpected grade school kids show up, and I think I counted around 34 people there, including all the students, teachers, and parents. It was good. Good that people showed up to pray for our school and country. Good that we were a witness to our community. Good that we have a free country that allows us to gather and pray in freedom and without fear. Thank God for freedom!

Goodbye, Summer

Well, since today is the last full day of summer...I just wanted to say that I am SO READY for fall! I'm ready for cooler weather. Ready for the trees to turn (beautiful!) and I'm ready to wear sweaters and jeans. I love fall!

It has been really, really hot this week so that's one reason I'm so ready for fall. Afternoons on the bus have been absolutely miserable! Yesterday wasn't too bad, but Tuesday was hot and humid. Today is supposed to be really bad too, but then tomorrow it is supposed to cool down. Anyway...the heat is really getting to me and frying my brains if you couldn't tell. ;)

The week has been going pretty well I think. I'm still having a hard time catching up on all the sleep I've missed over the past month. Just as I start to get caught up, something else happens and then I've got to start all over. But it's okay...I'll get caught up sooner or later.

Well, I hope everyone is doing well and that everyone at ministers' conference has a good time and hurries back...and that all you other peeps are doing great and hopefully I'll get to see ya soon!!

Much love to all!

Arrrggghhhh!

Ever felt this way?


Does anybody know how I feel?
Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm overcome
Does anybody care what's going on?
Do I have to wear my scars like a badge on my arm
For you to see me, I need release

Do I have to scream for you to hear me?
Do I have to bleed for you to see me?
'Cause I grieve, you're not listening to me
Do I need to scream?

Has anybody seen what's been done?
Where was my defense? No one heard my protest
The eyes of God were watching me
It's time to make my peace, let it go and be released
So I can breathe again
I'm on my knees

I've been marked, set apart
But I'm cut so deep and afraid of the dark
One drop of blood from the hole in Your hand
Is enough to heal me and make me stand

'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me

I don't have to scream for Him to hear me
Don't have to bleed for Him to see me
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me
I don't have to scream
I don't have to bleed
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening
And I don't have to scream

~Zoegirl - Scream Lyrics

What a week!

Well, I've got to say that I never cease to be amazed at all the things a week can hold! This has been a week filled with extreme pain and loss, but also blessing and relief! It has been yet another reminder that life is a journey. Every day brings a new experience from which we can either learn or grow bitter. There are many changes throughout life, and some of them will be easier than others. Life, when lived to the fullest, is a plethora of growth. Nothing in life is accidental or meaningless. Check out Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 --

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.


These verses are a reminder to me that there is a reason for everything that happens in life. Someone a whole lot wiser and all-knowing than I am has things under control! What a relief to know that everyone I love is in God's hands. No matter what happens to me or to the ones I love, I can trust in the wisdom of God -- He knows best! Thank you, God, for being so good!

Not for fun...

Tomorrow night my family and I are flying "home" to Arizona. This trip is going to be very difficult as we are going to say a final goodbye to someone we love, and to do what we can to help his family through the devastating task of burying one so young and promising. There is nothing easy about this. It is impossible to understand. All we can do is hold God's hand and encourage others to do the same. How thankful I am that God is my Rock! Thank you all for praying!

Passages

One day, he's living his life, and you don't even realize it because you've lost touch with him and he's in another state. Nevertheless, he lives his life, you live yours, and you take the whole arrangement for granted. Then you get a phone call. You find that, while you were living your life in your normal if somewhat random way, his ended. Suddenly. Tragically. And everything changes. You realize that life is fragile. Life is unpredictable. Life is, as I said yesterday, sometimes unfathomable. You are glad that God is in control. You are glad that He knows what He's doing. And you hope that good can come of what seems to be a senseless tragedy.

Life

Life is crazy sometimes. The past few weeks have taught me a lot about life. I can't really explain it, but it's true. It's been a good learning process. Occasionally I am amazed by the fact that no matter what, life always has something to show me. I know that "life" is a big, broad, unfathomable (at times) word. That's why I'm using it.

Tonight I am amazed at the miracle of life. I spent a few hours holding my precious newest niece who was born Tuesday night, and I rejoice in the miracle. God is good. He allows such beauty and innocence to flower in the darkness and violence that is our world. Through the tragedy and the heartache and the brokenness that is life in a fallen world, he brings the majesty of new life. I am amazed.

Also, I have come to the realization (over the past few months, but emphasized even more this week) that I do not have the time or the energy to harbor anger and resentment toward people. Life is too short. I need the energy for other, more productive, purposes. So I have been learning to let things go. I can't change people. I can't make them have better attitudes or be more attentive to my feelings or leave their addictive habits behind...all I can do is pray for them and then change myself. I can change my attitudes. I can love unconditionally. I can be accepting and not judgmental. I can learn to accept people as they are and not as I wish they would be. When they offend me, I can take the high road and let it go. When I feel slighted, I can think the best of them and let it go. When old hurts surface, I can remind myself that I let it go a long time ago. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

So...life is crazy, yes. Crazy, but good. Life is good because God is good.

Back home...

I'm home! Got back Friday night and I'm still kinda recuperating. That jet-lag is a killer! Anyway, I had an awesome trip and I will try to post some things about it later.