Summertime.

So what big things have been going on in your life recently?

Something huge that is happening for me right now is that I have started a Master's program at MNU. In April, I got accepted into their Master of Arts in Counseling (MAC) program. I am in the school counseling track, and I am loving it so much! I am meeting some very cool people and learning some amazing things and having a great time! This past Monday I had a big presentation due which I think went very well. My group of five people worked very well together, and hopefully we got a good grade! And then THIS Monday I will have my first test! I'm a little nervous, but it doesn't sound like it will be too hard...I do need to study though!

Another big thing is...I got a puppy! He is the cutest thing ever. His name is Reese because he looks like a peanut butter cup and he is very sweet. Just look at how cute this little guy is! He is growing fast and I know he won't be this little for long. Actually, this picture was taken about two weeks ago and he's already grown a lot! He is 8 weeks old. He's a doll and I absolutely love him already!

So I have some huge things going on right now...also some pretty big things "on my plate" so to speak that I am working on. Here's the general rundown:

- Working on putting together a skit/drama for the KCCBS service at HHYC. I think it is finally coming together...and we're only two weeks out! Not bad...lol.

- Working on getting the Crew stuff together for HHYC. And trying to figure out if I'm actually going to be able to miss my class(es) that week, or if I'm gonna try to drive back and forth. At this point, I'm thinking about trying to skip my Monday night class and come back for my Thursday night class. Anyway, the next couple of weeks are going to be very busy with trying to get all that together.

- Believe it or not, I've been trying to pick a drama for next spring! So that's very time-consuming, trying to read scripts, order scripts, and submit them for review. I am determined to not have a time crunch situation again next spring that keeps us from beginning rehearsals in a timely manner. We'll see.

- Obviously school work is keeping me very busy. Today I interviewed two school counselors for one of my classes. That was very enlightening and made me very excited about what I have chosen to do! One of the counselors is from an urban high school, and the other from a suburban grade school. Very different viewpoints, but both of them were very inspiring! Anyway, things like that, studying for tests, writing papers, and of course...reading! It never ends. But I am truly enjoying all of it. Last night I ordered my books for my next module, which begins the same week that we start school! Unbelievable.

- For the first part of the summer, I had a great time being a "nanny" to the Colburn kids. I'm not doing that anymore, and I really miss it, but it was an awesome time. I hope they had as great a time as I did! I love those kids, as everybody knows, and don't get to see them often enough! I completely understand the fact that their mom (my dear friend Gina) missed them too much to be able to continue working outside the home, so she worked it out to be able to work from home for the rest of the summer. Kudos to you, Gina. You rock!

- Of course, I do spend a lot of time socializing. What would life be without friends and family to spend time with? I do consider it an honor and privilege anytime any one of you lets me be a part of your life for an hour or two - an evening, a weekend, or whatever. The older I get (haha) the more I realize that relationships are TRULY the most important part of life. If I am too busy for my friends and family, then I am TOO BUSY!

Well, I am going to quit for now. I hope each of you has a wonderful weekend and that you don't forget to stop and relax for awhile. Take some time to let someone know how important they are to you. And take some time for yourself. Be kind....to yourself and others. And be blessed!

Congratulations tomorrow to:

Darren and Jamie, an amazing couple, who are joining their lives before God and others. May your lives be blessed as you continue to serve Him.

One of my former students, Bryan Smith, who is getting married as well. May God bless your marriage and your lives together and all that you do! You've always been special to me!

Much love to all!

thoughts.

Lately, my heart and mind have been so full that it's been hard to find the words. I'm not sure if that makes sense to you, but it does to me, and it's my blog, so deal. :) hah. Seriously though...

One thing I've been thinking alot about is passion. No, not THAT kinda passion. But the kind of passion that makes you love what you love. Ya know? For one thing, people are always asking me why I'm still single (I know, stupid question...and I'm sorry if you've ever asked me that...it's still a stupid question...;) and I think I finally have an answer I can express! I've always known, but haven't had the words for it. But I think it's because if I were to ever sacrifice my independence for a relationship, it would have to be for someone who had similar passions to mine. And I have yet to meet someone like that. Which, by the way, is totally fine with me, because contrary to popular opinion, single people are not "faulty" or "broken"...we are just fine! And lest this begin to sound like some bitter diatribe against marriage or commitment, those who know me can testify that nothing could be further from the truth. I support marriage and I am incredibly happy and supportive of all my friends who have chosen that path. I do not, however, believe that is God's plan for everyone...and while I would not go so far as to say it's not God's plan for me EVER, I would say it's obviously not His plan YET! SO...all that to say that I've been thinking a lot about my passions lately. Those things in my life that are close to my heart. I guess you could say these last few months have included some major self-discovery. And it's been very interesting, to say the least. Take my word for it.

Another thing that I've been thinking about is change. How our lives are filled with such irony and transitions. I was reminded of this again tonight by a dear friend who is graduating this week. But the passages of life...they are so necessary and can be so heartbreaking! Over the past year and a half, I have realized more and more that life hurts. And the more I think about it, the more I really think that's how it's supposed to be. I don't think we were put on this earth to be comfortable. I don't think we were put here to be necessarily happy. I think it's great if we happen to be those things...but I certainly don't think that is God's main intention for our lives. And I think the changes and seasons of life come along to remind us of that. These are thoughts that I'm still processing, obviously, but God has been reminding me lately that I'm here for HIS purposes, not mine. If this life happens to bring me a measure of happiness and comfort, great. But if my life pleases Him and brings Him glory through the pain and discomfort, then I believe I will have lived my life to the fullest. At the judgment, I don't believe God is going to ask me, "Were you happy on earth? Did you have a comfortable, enjoyable life?" Don't get me wrong, I believe God wants to bring us joy because He loves us. But when He judges my life, I hope He sees that I served Him with abandon, holding nothing back, and allowing Him to mold and shape me through every circumstance of life.

My intention is to live my life in complete surrender to God. I know I will mess up at times, and I won't be the perfect example of His grace. Thankfully, God looks at the heart. He's sees my motives and my intentions. He knows I love Him with my entire being, and that's all that matters.

For all my friends and family, both near and far, I pray that God makes you a useful vessel for His use! May we all live lives that are dedicated to complete service to Him. I love you all.

Happy New Year! Even though the month of January is almost halfway over (hard to believe!) this is the first time I've had a chance to blog, so happy new year, everybody! I hope your 2008 is going great so far, and that it continues to be a wonderful year for you.

So life continues to be an interesting blend of activity, frustration, enjoyment, laughter, sadness, tears, and blessing! Whew. What a ride!

The Christmas and New Year holidays seemed to go by in a quick hurry!! My last day of school was the 19th, so I had a few days "off" before actual Christmas arrived. That was nice because I could finish up last-minute shopping and get rested and prepared for the festivities! Hah. I actually was able to go down to the Springfield/Ava area and spend some time with my dear friend, Alissa, that weekend before Christmas. We had a lot of fun. The weather was not great, so we stayed inside and watched movies and hung out quite a bit. And took pictures...

On Christmas Eve, my parents and I drove down to Tulsa to celebrate Christmas with my dad's side of the family. We had a great time there with our family and came back the day after Christmas. It was great to see people that we hadn't seen in quite awhile.

My nephew, Alex, and I had planned to leave the next day for Colorado to visit my brother, Scott. Because of the weather, both here and in Colorado, our trip was postponed till Saturday. In the meantime, I got to spend a few hours with my friend Anthony on his birthday. For the third year in a row, we went to Applebees on his actual birthday...quickly becoming a tradition!

Early on Saturday morning, we got up and made our way down I-70 to Denver. We had a nice trip, and got there early in the evening on Saturday. We were blessed to be able to attend the Sunday morning service with the dear people at the Loveland church, and to eat dinner with their pastor. Alex and I stayed there at Scott's until the following Wednesday and had a lot of fun just hanging out and getting to spend time together. I also got to see my wonderful friend Cara, and her sweet baby Luke, while I was there! That was a treat and we had a great time together!

Alex and I came back to KC on Wednesday, arriving mid-afternoon, and school started for me on Thursday! So it was a quick vacation, but packed with lots of fun times, and sweet memories!
Since school has started, life has continued to be incredibly busy and full. I have gotten to spend time with good friends, as well as with my family. God is so good to me!

If there is anything I could say about the year 2007, it's that God is faithful! He has never been anything but faithful to me. I could not ask for anything more. As 2008 begins, I trust that it will be a year in which I will be increasingly faithful to HIM! I'm sure I join many of you in saying that I want my life to count for something eternal. I want to make a difference and I want to encourage others to join me on the journey!

For those of you who made my 2007 holidays extra-special, I thank you. For those of you who have been my friend through good and bad, I thank you. I wish all of you a happy and blessed 2008! May the warmth and peace of Christ's presence follow you throughout this year and always!

*For pictures, you can visit my Ringo, MySpace, or Facebook sites.* :)

letting go...

It's a hard concept for me. I'll admit that when I have an idea that gets passed over or an opinion that's not widely accepted, I'm pretty okay with that. I can usually let those types of things go.

What I have a hard time with is letting go of people. When people exit my life (or I exit theirs) it's very difficult for me. I tend to hold the people in my life very closely, and losing anyone is heartbreaking. I'm not just talking about losing people to death, although the finality of that kind of loss is obviously painful.

For most of my life, it was not hard for me to get close to people. In fact, some might say that it was too easy. I trusted easily and opened myself to friendship and love easily. Through circumstances of the last few years, that has changed somewhat. I do consider myself fortunate in the closeness of my friendships; however, I do not find myself easily opening up or as trusting as before. I am much more cautious and reserved when it comes to giving or receiving the gift of friendship.

It is perhaps that much harder, then, to lose those people who remain close to my heart. When I find them walking out of my life, perhaps through no fault of their own, but just because of circumstances, it's not easy to let go!

I have been praying for several weeks, maybe months, that God would work in a certain situation. I have found myself pleading with Him and trying to work things out on my own, by turns. Last week I felt very definitely that God told me to let it go - to trust Him. I don't know what that means. I don't know if He's going to work a miracle and allow things to remain as they are, or if He's going to allow the change, knowing that somehow it is best. It's still so hard for me to let it go and trust Him! I can't seem to leave it in His hands, even though I know that's what He wants, and it's what I should do. It's ripping my heart out a little more each day, knowing that most likely after Christmas, everything will be different. I can't shake the sadness and the feeling that it's not right, but it's out of my hands. There's absolutely nothing I can do. I know God is able and all-powerful, and that He knows and cares even more than I do. What's more, I know that even when people leave my realm of influence, they are still never out of God's care! He will follow and He will be faithful! So why can't I just leave it with Him - why do I keep worrying about it and wondering if everything will be okay?

Here are some questions I have. Maybe you, my faithful readers, can shed some light...

Why does "letting go" feel so much like "giving up"?
Is it sometimes okay to "give up"?
When does it become unhealthy (disobedient?) to keep holding on?
How do I know it's really God telling me to "let go" and not the devil telling me to "give up"?
Why does God allow people into our lives, and then remove them before it seems right?

I am really having a hard time with all this. I would appreciate your prayers as I struggle to sort it all out.

Thanks for reading!

more grace.

I'm not sure that I'll be able to express this exactly the way I mean it, but here goes...

Lately I have been feeling the need for more grace. In my own life, certainly, I am a grateful recipient of the grace of God. When I deserve condemnation and judgment, He gives grace. When I am lost and confused, His grace lights the way and brings me back. When I am desperate and miserable, His grace comforts and heals. Where would I be, if not for the grace of God?

Have we forgotten? Do we so easily lose sight of what it is like to be so desperately in need of God's grace? When we have the chance to spread a little grace to one of God's children, do we take it? When hear a teenager's unkind, cutting words, do we listen to the pain behind them? When we see a homeless person, do we just assume he must have "done something" to deserve it? Can any of God's precious children depend on us, trust us, to take care of them? Have we forgotten?

I have never claimed to be a perfect example of God's grace. I know there are many times when I fail to accept or distribute grace when I should. But my intention is to let grace rule my life. When grace and compassion are the rule, it is my belief and my experience that people see Jesus. And if we claim the name of Christ, isn't that Who we want people to see? I have yet to see rules and guidelines and unbending policies save anybody! Jesus' ministry was one of care and concern for people. Not once did He condemn a person Who was truly seeking Him. I want to be like Jesus.

This quote is very strongly worded and I love it. I wish my life more faithfully exhibited the truth behind it.

"If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to hell over our bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay. If hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned or unprayed for." -Charles Spurgeon

I intend to never give up on the people Christ has called me to serve. Are there challenges? Yes. Are there problems? Absolutely. Should that stop me? No way. I will not give up. God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. (2 Tim. 1:7) Thank you, Jesus, for never giving up on me!

You Never Let Go

by Matt Redman

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Your perfect love is casting out fear

And even when I’m caught in the middle

of the storms of this life

I won’t turn back

I know You are near

And I will fear no evil

For my God is with me

And if my God is with me

Whom then shall I fear?

Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming

for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We’ll live to know You here on the earth

And I will fear no evil

For my God is with me

And if my God is with me

Whom then shall I fear?

Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

Yes, I can see a light that is coming

for the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Yes, I can see a light that is coming

for the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

life

Okay. Let me just say it. Life is great.


Yep. You heard me right.


Life is great.


Sometimes I think it's good to just sit back and look at life and realize what a blessing it truly is. So that's what I'm doing. I don't think I always appreciate my life enough. I'm always busy, usually to an overwhelming degree, so sometimes I am too snowed-under to acknowledge how blessed I am.




I want to say, first of all, that I have an adorable new nephew. He is my friend Cara's little boy, so he is my chosen nephew. And he is precious. I absolutely cannot wait to see him. He lives with his parents in Colorado, and I hope to be able to go visit him SOON!! Look at how cute he is

Precious, huh? Altogether now: ahhhhh!

Anyway, that's one of my latest blessings and I wanted to share it with all of you who didn't already know. His name is Luke Francis Barnett.

So life is good. This past weekend I got to spend time with four of my favorite kids on the planet - my Colburn nieces and nephews. They are growing up so much and I am blessed anytime I get to spend time with them. Brooklyn will be 12 in December, which is just unbelievable, and she is growing into a fine young lady. Very smart and carries on extremely intelligent conversations. Jordan is all boy and there is never a dull moment when he is around. He's very active and very sweet and very ornery. And very TALL! I swear he's grown 5 inches since the last time I saw him! He's 10. Colton...he cracks me up. He's 9 and his sense of humor is very dry and witty. I love listening to him talk, and watching him interact. Kailyn is my birthday buddy. She was born on my 27th birthday which means she turned 7 this year. I can't believe how grown up she is! She's my lil buddy and I love her constant hugs and "I love you's." Something tells me to cherish those because they won't last forever, at least not to that extent. On Sunday morning, I took Kailyn and Colton to church (Brooklyn and Jordan had spent the night with friends) and as I stood between them during the congregational singing, I noticed that both of them were just singing their little hearts out. It was extremely blessed by that. This is a shout-out to Jason and Gina (their parents) and all you wonderful people out there who are raising your children to worship Jesus. That impact on their lives is going to influence them for eternity.

Life is very good. I could go on and on. I am blessed with family and friends. My grandfather, who spent the weekend in the hospital after having been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation (congestive heart failure) is home now and doing much better. My Smith grandparents celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary last weekend and are relatively healthy. My brother in Colorado is doing well - he's healthy and has a good job and is doing well spiritually. My parents are always busy and always on the go and always a blessing. What can I say. I have a great family. I can't forget to mention my aunt and uncle who are also my pastors - I can't even tell you how much I admire, respect and love them. They are amazing people.

My friends are incredible. I know I've said that before. God is good. He's given me a wonderful support system, a wonderful job with people I love, wonderful students who light up my life. I seriously could not ask for more.

Life is good.

"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." ~Jesus (John 10:10)

thirsty.

Psalm 63:1
"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”